I'm loving the intros. Keep them coming! I just wanted to quickly post about a conversation I had today with two other moms. We got talking about this challenge and diets, nutrition, etc. Then it morphed into body image and things our mothers did and didn't do that helped us develop our own body image. Now I know this is a HUGE topic, but I'm just wondering, what are guidelines you live by as mothers, friends and coworkers when it comes to being a good influence on others and their body image.
Our conversation couldn't last long, but I came away from it determined to do 2 things. 1) Never say "Oh I feel so fat!!" or "I hate my legs!" around my children, especially daughter. And 2) Act comfortable in my swimsuit even if I don't feel so. Swimsuits are for having fun in the water not for drawing attention to our bodies, good or bad. So my friends, please share your thoughts and wisdom. How do we help others love their bodies and just worry less about it all in general?
It's interesting that you bring this up, because at the gym yesterday I was a bystander to a similar conversation. Two moms were talking about how annoying it can actually be to have everyone always compliment their daughter on how pretty she is, or on how lovely her hair (ringlets, to die for!), etc. They said, "No wonder she gets tired of saying 'Thank you' to everyone!" But then one mother said she never tells her daughter that she is beautiful or pretty. She tells her that she is smart, a good friend, a hard worker, etc. She said it'll just go to her head.
ReplyDeleteNow, I tend to disagree a little bit. I understand not making our children dependent on their looks so much so that they'll be insecure if their looks aren't constant, but I do think every girl needs to hear that she is beautiful; and if not from her mom, then from whom? I asked my husband about it and he agreed. Yes I want my children to know and feel that they are smart, and be rewarded for working hard, etc. But I want them to feel and think they are beautiful too!
I have to concur with your commitment to never say "I feel fat." I think I say it too much as it is! haha...
So I'm adding to the conversation. I'm curious to see what everyone else says!
I'm sure at times that I think too much about how I look, and I'm too hard on myself, especially right after I've had a baby, and there is no way that I could be at a normal weight. There is a fine line between hating the way you look and just enough dissatisfaction with your looks to do something about it (i'm talking about things you can do something about, like weight, not getting a nose job. :)) I want my children to know that I care about being healthy enough to do something about it. Part of that means being tough on myself in order to get back in shape. But I also want them to know that I'm trying to honor Heavenly Father and the body that he gave me by treating it the best way that I can. I guess I don't have a very good answer at this point.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, appearances weren't really talked about much in terms of "you look beautiful", etc. Modesty, however, was a huge thing. The focus was not on HOW your body looked, but on what your body could DO. My parents are both very accepting of their bodies, and they both exercise regularly...not sure why I didn't get in that habit. :)
ReplyDeleteI think that the first step is realizing that this is YOUR body. It is the body that you were given, and is an incredible blessing just to have it. Another thing to realize is that we were each given different challenges in this life. Some might have the challenge of not being "beautiful" or having problems keeping weight off, etc. but this is the body we have to work with, so I try to teach my kids to love their bodies and they many things it can do. I do tell them they're beautiful/handsome, but also adorable, smart, silly, good reader...whatever works for the situation. I wouldn't focus too much on one thing (outward appearances) because I think they will tend to seek your approval in whatever area gives them the positive response.
I remember reading about how to talk to your kids in stores when they, for example, blurt out "wow mom, that lady is fat!". First of all, don't panic and act all embarrassed (even though I am sure my cheeks would turn bright red). If you react naturally and say something like, "Each of us is different, and our bodies are different. I have blue eyes and daddy has brown eyes. Some people are short, some people are tall. My body is bigger and yours is smaller. Everyone has a different body".
If they ask you questions about your body, don't shy away from it and make them feel like they are doing something 'bad' by asking. I was reading a book by Linda & Richard Eyre (lds motivational speakers about kids, who have 11 kids! - they have tons of books and they are great!) about "teaching your children about s e x". It talks about starting when your children are young...you point out things in nature, how the seasons change, how flowers bloom, etc. Then they will realize that changes to your body are natural, like everything else the Lord has created. When my girl asked "mom, why do you have fur in your girl parts?" (yes, she really did, my boy says "what's that mama?") I don't say, "aaaaah!!" I responded with something like, "when girls get bigger their bodies change, and this is one of the things that happens. Daddy has lots of hair too, because he's a big boy". They accept the answer and move on to something else.
Another thing (sorry this is so long, and maybe straying from topic a little, must be my soapbox....). We talk a lot about choices in our family. We are here on earth to choose. Heavenly Father put us on earth to learn to be like Him. Some people choose to obey Heavenly Father and some people choose not to obey Him. You are free to choose whatever you want, but if you want to go back and live with Heavenly Father, you need to do what he says. He asks us to protect our bodies and take care of them. One way to do that is to eat healthy, exercise, and being modest.
I am sure I could go on for days, but I will spare you. :)